Thanks for the insight, for the inspiration … we’ll take it from here.

I just watched the final Oprah episode. (Thanks to a neighbour with Tivo and a television – I have neither).

Her last show was simply Oprah, no guests, standing in front of the camera giving thanks to her audience the world over that have supported her these past 25 years and sharing for the last time all the lessons she had learned from the common threads that she recognised in the more than 30,000 people she had interacted across her 4561 episodes.

Her speech had the intelligence of a lecture, the passion of a sermon, and the tenderness of a caring mother releasing her children out into the world. I loved it – and was honoured and inspired to hear her words born of best intentions and a lot of experience.

I’ve included a transcript of my favourite parts below.

Whatever your opinion of Oprah you’ve got to give the woman her due. As Madonna so eloquently said in the 3^rd to last Oprah episode, a celebrity-soaked love-fest at Chicago’s United Centre “She’s a self-made woman who’s been at the top of her game for over 25 years, and she is still kicking ass. She fights for things she believes in even if it makes her unpopular. She has balls and a wealth of compassion.” I couldn’t agree more.

I first discovered Oprah had balls back in her show’s first national season (1986/87) when she went to Forsyth County to tape a show in a community where no African-American had lived for more than 75 years. I remember how she angered African-Americans at the time by restricting her audience solely to the Caucasians living there. They felt they wouldn’t have a voice, but what they hadn’t counted on was Oprah and her voice. Rather than let it become a mud-slinging match, as the only African-American in the room she proceeded to try and understand their views on African-Americans and when the discussion would skew towards racism and stereotypes she would hold herself up as an example, and the racist remarks were seen for what they were, and stereotypes quickly deflated.

Then, at a time when hysteria and misinformation abounded, she tackled AIDS in a small town in West Virginia after the town panicked when a man with AIDS jumped into the local swimming pool.

Of course, who could forget her bravery in sharing her abuse as a child with her audience? From then on in she was an open book and her audience loved her for it. For her honesty, for her accessibility – something she was able to straddle over the years despite her rapid rise in fame & fortune. She was the woman you’d like to have around for lunch and the billionaire studio owner you admired. “Don’t let anyone tell you that having your own jet plane isn’t fantastic,” she once said. “It is.”

As a writer and avid reader how I could I not love her Book Club and what it did for book sales, intelligent stories and the simple joy of reading in an ever increasingly technologically-distracted society.

Beyond being a devoted watcher of her show (I used to time my lunch breaks in the work day to catch her show) I had two personal encounters with Oprah. I was in Chicago to interview Playboy CEO Christie Hefner when I was invited to watch the taping of her show (Julia Roberts & Mel Gibson were promoting their new film Conspiracy Theory at the time) and met with her after the show for a story I was writing for Australia’s New Woman magazine. The second encounter was when I wrote a heartfelt letter to Oprah that she responded to. (During her last show she told viewers of her new email address – oprah@oprah.com – She said that if you get an email from this address it will be from her. I believe her.)

Her Facebook page is filled with comments from followers/fans that are wondering what they will do without Oprah to fill their afternoon, to guide them. And perhaps that’s what I loved most about Oprah’s final show, it was one last handover of the baton of responsibility, reiterating the message she’s championed for so long: The power is within you, the whispers of what to do with your life are there to direct you, to guide you if you choose to listen. Now, after 25 years of encouragement, of insight, of sharing her lessons learned, and those of countless guests brave enough to say ‘These were my mistakes and this is how I’ve learned from them”, in her last show Oprah summed them up, reminded us of their value and then with a gentle shove has pushed us out into our own world to stand on our own and put those lessons into action. After 25 years of shepherding, we’re on our own.

Personally Selected Transcripts from Oprah’s Final Episode

(This amazed me! From the first show (!) Oprah proclaimed her vision for the show; a vision that stayed true throughout her 25 year run.)

On September 8, 1986, the first national episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show was broadcast into homes across America. “After deliberating for some time, we decided to do what we do best, and that is a show about and with everyday people. This show always allows people, hopefully, to understand the power they have to change their own lives. If there’s one thread running through each show we do, it is the message that you are not alone.

“Two years later, when we went national, I remember at the time, Roger King told me that one station manager said that he’d rather put a potato in a chair in his market than have a big black girl with a funny name. And in spite of that, from Memphis to Macon, from Pittsburgh to Pensacola, from New York to New Orleans, you all let me in.”

“The first week we went national, I remember I got a letter from a woman named Carrie in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Carrie said, ‘Oprah, watching you be yourself makes me want to be more of myself.’ That was and still remains one of the nicest things I ever heard. What Carrie felt is what I wanted for every single one of you. I wanted to encourage you to be more of yourself just as you all encouraged me, and you cheered me on and occasionally complained about my outfits, my big hair and earrings the size of napkins. Now I see you had every reason to.

…

“What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it. Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing. We saw it in the volunteers who rocked abandoned babies in Atlanta. We saw it with those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious potpies. … We saw it every timeTina Turner, Celine, Bocelli or Lady Gaga lit up the stage with their passion. Because that is what a calling is. It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show. To live from the heart of yourself. You have to make a living; I understand that. But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world.”

“My great wish for all of you who have allowed me to honor my calling through this show is that you carry whatever you’re supposed to be doing, carry that forward and don’t waste any more time. Start embracing the life that is calling you and use your life to serve the world.”

…

“Nobody but you is responsible for your life. It doesn’t matter what your mama did; it doesn’t matter what your daddy didn’t do. You are responsible for your life. … You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others.
…

All life is energy and we are transmitting it at every moment. We are all little beaming little signals like radio frequencies, and the world is responding in kind.

…

“Remember physics class? Did you pay attention to Newton’s third law of motion? Let me tell you, that thing is real. It says for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

“I learned from the guests on this show, no need to feel superior to anybody. Because whether it’s heroin addiction or gambling addiction or shopping addiction or food addiction, work addiction, the root is all the same. The show has taught me there is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness. Not feeling worthy enough to own the life you were created for. Even people who believe they deserve to be happy and have nice things often don’t feel worthy once they have them.

“There is a difference, you know, between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing you are worthy of happiness.

“What I got was we often block our own blessings because we don’t feel inherently good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough – the show has taught me you’re worthy because you are born and because you are here. Your being here, your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough.”

“I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?’

“Understanding that one principle, that everybody wants to be heard, has allowed me to hold the microphone for you all these years with the least amount of judgment. Now I can’t say I wasn’t judging some days. Some days, I had to judge just a little bit. But it’s helped me to stand and to try to do that with an open mind and to do it with an open heart. It has worked for this platform, and I guarantee you it will work for yours. Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. ‘I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'”

“The only time I’ve ever made mistakes is when I didn’t listen. So what I know is, God is love and God is life, and your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. … It’s subtle, those whispers. And if you don’t pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It’s like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do. … You don’t pay attention to that, it’s like getting a brick upside your head. You don’t pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That’s the pattern I’ve seen in my life, and it’s played out over and over again on this show.”

“You all have been a safe harbor for me for 25 years. It’s strange, I know, but you have been. And what I hope is that you all will be that safe harbor for somebody else—their safe place to fall. Do for them what you all are telling me the show has done for you. Connect. Embrace. Liberate. Love somebody. Just one person. And then spread that to two. And as many as you can. You’ll see the difference it makes.

“I’ve been asked many times during this farewell season, ‘Is ending the show bittersweet?’ Well, I say all sweet. No bitter. And here is why: Many of us have been together for 25 years. We have hooted and hollered together, had our aha! moments, we ugly-cried together and we did our gratitude journals. So I thank you all for your support and your trust in me. I thank you for sharing this yellow brick road of blessings. I thank you for tuning in every day along with your mothers and your sisters and your daughters, your partners, gay and otherwise, your friends and all the husbands who got coaxed into watching Oprah. And I thank you for being as much of a sweet inspiration for me as I’ve tried to be for you.

“I won’t say goodbye. I’ll just say…until we meet again.”

Guest writer Jennifer Lyn Olson writes with incredible honesty about the insights gained during a recent meditation course.

When you learn to live without, you have the opportunity to discover what’s within.

Last year, I enrolled in a 10 day Vipassana Meditation course in Southern Washington State.

It was an incredibly transformative experience; I emerged from the experience a changed woman.

Going into the course I had some heavy-duty goals: to finally process the untimely death of my boyfriend six years prior, as well as the death of my father the year before, to get a handle on a lifelong eating disorder, to spend time with myself, and of course, to learn how to meditate (although oddly enough this was less of a priority for me than my other goals).

Ten days later, I felt like I achieved my objectives to a far greater extent than I could have possibly imagined. But more on that in a moment …

Let me first give you an introduction to Vipassana meditation. In short, practitioners believe the meditation can eradicate one’s misery. SN Goenka, today’s most prominent teacher of Vipassana meditation, frequently discusses that the cause of our miseries all stem from attachments we have and the subsequent cravings that have been created because of these attachments. Practicing Vipassana is about freeing oneself from cravings and therefore all miseries. The route to this is through awareness and equanimity (neither desiring a pleasurable experience nor craving the cessation of something undesirable). One tackles both awareness and equanimity through the physical in order to access the mind. (Are you with me so far?)

In Vipassana meditation you sit without moving and let your mind cycle through your body, starting at the top of your head and ending at the tip of your toes. By canvassing every inch of your body, the meditation brings awareness to bodily sensations but instead of reacting to them, you simply observe and acknowledge an itch, a tingle, a warmth, a chill, a throbbing sensation.

Who would have thought that sitting still could bring up so many past ills, but again the idea here is to not react, but to only allow one’s self to observe the sensation and then continue on cycling through the different areas of the body. The theory is that when you can break your habitual pattern of reacting on the physical level, the habitual patterns of the mind are also broken. And it is in this way that cravings are extinguished (of course slowly over the course of years of practice) and one is finally free of misery.

I only practiced for ten days but found the experience incredibly enlightening. Here is a brief summary of the insights that emerged during my Vipassana:

Insight #1: I came to the Vipassana with the hopes of resolving one main issue – that of my father abandoning me when I was 12 years old. I’d already bore witness to how this deep-seated pain manifested itself during the final stages of every romantic relationship I’ve had, but I was at a loss as to how to solve the problem. I had hoped that at some point in my life, I would be able to directly resolve the issue with my father himself, but with my father’s passing late 2010, that was no longer an option.

Throughout the 10 days, I finally realized that it was not about ‘solving the problem’ per se – it was done; it couldn’t be solved – but rather learning how this wound affects me in my life and how to live a full life despite of it. I finally feel like I have the tools to understand why I have the wound that I have (i.e. my attachment and craving for love, attention, affection, support, etc. from a prominent male figure in my life) and how it tends to manifest itself in my daily life (e.g. staying with men longer than I should because I have latched on to the idea that they may give me the things that I crave). This ‘awareness’ of how the wound affects me, diminishes its power as a source of the pain and puts me back in the captain’s seat as someone who has the ability to control its effect on me. Ignorance is not always bliss. And now that I taken a quiet moment to discover what I’m dealing with, to really study what I’m dealing with and my trigger points, I am able to adapt my behaviour patterns so that the original wound does not continue to cause me pain.

Insight #2: Overeating is a manifestation of my pain. More specificially, it’s an eating disorder I have struggled with for the past six years – ever since my boyfriend committed suicide. I had a handle on it about 2 years ago but then I found out that my father was terminally ill and the viscous cycle of binge eating continued.

I have always been aware of my eating disorder – I’ve never been in denial; when I feel lonely and depressed I turn to food, lots of it. The Vipassana created the perfect conditions for me to attack this problem head on.

To begin with, I didn’t have access to whatever food I pleased. Those comfort foods that I would binge on – the foods I’d become addicted to because they would release chemicals such as serotonin and dopamine into my brain (making me feel better, for the moment at least) were no longer available. My food was provided by the center for the duration of the course and then only at particular times.

More importantly, through the countless hours of meditation during the 10-day course, I became much more aware of my body. I was amazed to discover that when I actually listened to my body, I would only eat what my body actually needed, instead of what my mind thought it wanted. I focused on eating slowly and really tasting my food – something that I haven’t done in years. I also learned to understand the psychology of that feeling of accomplishment that comes from clearing my plate, so I would make sure to only take small portions – yet still get the same feeling of accomplishment. I wasn’t a martyr, I would allow myself a small second servings for those foods that were exceptionally tasty (and there were several!) but learned to appreciate this indulgence as a treat as opposed to something I took for granted. All of these changes paid off and by the end of the 10 day course, I had lost 7.5 lbs. solely by changing the way I eat.

Insight #3: Actions speak louder than words. Countless family members and friends have been telling me this for years, but being a rather verbal person, I ignored the sage advice of the masses and instead ignorantly and oftentimes, somewhat blindly, believed the words spoken to me. I suppose there are certain lessons you have to learn on your own and so it was with this particular proverb. During the 10 days of silence I was amazed how I was able to create bonds with the other girls in my cabin without verbally communicating. I could tell when they were happy, when they were sad, and when they needed a hug to help get them through the day. It was amazing to see how much could be communicated sans words – that we can actually be very clear about what it is we want or how we are feeling just by the actions that we undertake.

I want to point out that the Vipassana was not perfect, nor did I behave perfectly during my stay. I even had philosophical issues with a few things that SN Goneka was teaching and yet, now a few months out of the course, those negative issues have faded away completely and the positive things I learned have remained. I’m left with MY experience, an experience I’m truly grateful for. I am pleasantly surprised at the new direction my life is heading in now; I feel calmer, freer, more grounded, and better able to handle those challenges life throws my way.

Bhavatu sabba mangalam. (May all beings be happy.)
Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu… (Well said, well done…)

Which is better:

To be a boat adrift with no form of locomotion (paddles/ motor/ sails) or to be able to move but have no known port or destination?

What’s your answer?

Experience #530

For those bored by Broadway, tired of traffic, or caught up in the chaos that is New York, a nearby Zen Buddhist monastery offers peace of mind in meditation.

Nestled in the Catskill Mountains, little more than one hundred miles north of the ‘City that Never Sleeps’ those seeking spiritual enlightenment can find it at the Dai Bosatsu Zendo Kongo-ji monastery. Set on 1,400 picturesque acres with its own lake, the secluded Japanese-style monastery seems to leave the world behind; the only clue that New York is anywhere nearby is the sound of the occasional plane passing overhead.

With a mission of offering guests the opportunity to acquaint themselves with the practice of Rinzai Zen Buddhism in a working monastic environment Dai Bosatsu has up to eight yearly Introduction to Zen weekend workshops that emphasise basic zazen (sitting posture and breathing for meditation), chanting, and formal procedures for meals.

Guests can participate as much or as little as they please. For some, simply soaking up an atmosphere of constant chanting and the pervading smell of incense is enough to calm the stressed spirit, but most guests find they get caught up in the communal spirit of the monastery lending a hand with the resident monks’ daily chores of wood cutting, gardening, cleaning and food preparation in-between prayer sessions. Some might argue that the 5:30am wake-up gong that reverberates up and down each hallway offers them little choice. A rigid meal schedule is also announced with a gong while chanting from a prayer book provided allows guests to follow along with graces before and after each delicious vegetarian meal.

“To grasp Zen, you must experience it. You should withdraw inwardly and search for the ground upon which you stand; thereby you will find out what Truth is.”
Zen Master Ummon

The Dai Bosatsu is a four-season attraction. Snowshoe in the winter or take one of the many courses (ie Tai Chi) offered at the neighbouring guesthouse in the summer. Long walks in the surrounding woods are also highly recommended as good for the soul with Buddhist quotes and stone Buddhas that pop up here and there in the forest lending a helping hand on your spiritual path to enlightenment.

Be warned that the rooms are spartan and the bathrooms communal. (Did I mention this was a monastery?) Rooms are humbly decorated with a futon mattress on the floor (which guests make themselves upon arrival), a reading lamp, and – if you’re lucky – a Japanese calligraphy painting. Don’t be deterred – it didn’t stop the Dalai Lama and Gwyneth Paltrow from staying.

Those interested in learning about Zen are advised to read up a little before participating to have a better understanding of the religion. A fully stocked library on the upper level of the monastery offers a great resource on the religion and the monks themselves are extremely approachable and open to discussion. Even so, their brief lessons in silent and motionless meditation don’t quite prepare most visitors for the leg-cramping, sneeze-suffocating exercise that lasts for 30-50 minutes at a time. There is some leeway of course to scratch and satisfy the odd itch discreetly under the large Japanese robes provided.

The robes also serve the secondary purpose of creating the illusion that everyone knows what they’re doing in order to make the experience all the more authentic. But while many don’t walk away Zen Masters most guests claim to be a little calmer, a little more enlightened and oddly enough, inspired to take up a stretch class at their local gym.

Where: Dai Bosatsu Zendo

How to get there: Map

Where do you go to meditate?